Cheap bastards

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honour.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. "Sorry I'm running late... had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to get you both a present."
"Not to worry," said the dad.."the important thing is that we're all here together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom still look great, Dad! Just flew in from L.A. and didn't have time to get you a present... Sorry."
"It's nothing," said the father, "Glad you were able to be here."

Just then the daughter arrived.
"Hello both of you, Happy Anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything."
Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are together today."

After they had all finished dessert, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said, "Listen up, all three of you, there's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. All through the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but... we just never found the time to get married."
The three kids gasped and said, "You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep," said the dad..."and cheap ones too!"

Thanks to MadPriest!

No State Church in Norway - or in Finland

The Norwegian Parliament - Stortinget - decided yesterday (21.5.12) to abolish the State Church system. Good for them!
Voices in Finland have been raised for the same thing to be done here. This shows, of course, a lack of knowledge of both history and of the background of the relationship between Church and State. I've blogged about this before.

I'm not saying that reforms couldn't be made, but a non-existant State Church cannot be abolished, can it?

RF: Connected

Punny humour

The batteries were given out free of charge. 

Thanks to Bailey's Buddy!

The nuns' first hot dogs

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "...What part did you get?"

Thanks to Mrs. Karl!

Wilde on bitter trials

What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.

- Oscar Wilde
as quoted on QuoteFame.com

Punny humour

Even though he contributes either the X or Y chromosome, when a father chooses the sex of his child it's just a sperm of the moment decision. 

Thanks to Bailey's Buddy!

Barth on prayer

To clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world.

- Karl Barth
as quoted on God's Politics

The wrong side of the bed

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, 'Good morning, ladies.'
The novices replied, 'Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you.'
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, 'I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.'
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, 'Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today.'
'Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you.'
But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, 'She got out of the wrong side of bed today.'

Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary.
'Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day.'
'Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.'
Mother Superior was floored!
'Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me.'
Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face.
'Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!!' 

Thanks to MadPriest!