Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill
My sort of pastor
A church congregation had the same pastor for many years. Eventually the longtime pastor resigned and the church hired a new younger pastor with new ideas about church leadership. The first suggestion the new pastor made to the deacons was that they should hire a part-time person to take care of the church lawn and shrubbery. "I’ll have you know, Rev. Jones, that our former pastor always took care of the church lawn himself," a member said indignantly.
"I am aware of that," the new pastor replied. "I called him and he doesn’t want to do it anymore."
"I am aware of that," the new pastor replied. "I called him and he doesn’t want to do it anymore."
Thanks to MadPriest.
Three Corporate/Political Lessons
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird underthe pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.Lesson Number Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird underthe pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:In summary:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Thank you!
I want to thank the 124 voters in Porvoo who gave me their support and gave me a seat in the city council! I also want to thank all those who have supported me in various ways during my campaign! Now my work begins in earnest...
I'll be back with more details later this week.
I'll be back with more details later this week.
King on accepting evil
He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
King on Hitler
Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
Schoolboy Howlers 8
Homer wrote the Oddity*. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
* Odyssey
Four husbands
An 80-year-old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained: "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained: "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Thanks to MadPriest.
St. Francis on gloominess
It is not fitting, when one is in God's service, to have a gloomy face or a chilling look.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Surprise candidate
As you probably know, I'm running for a seat in the city council of Porvoo (Borgå in Swedish).
Rather to my surprise, I seem to be a candidate in another election, as well. Check out this video! And remember to vote...
Rather to my surprise, I seem to be a candidate in another election, as well. Check out this video! And remember to vote...
Frightening ideas
I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
- John Cage
About dogs and people 5
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney
as quoted by the Episcopal padre
as quoted by the Episcopal padre
Heard on a golf court
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt. Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle. As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt. Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle. As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."
Thanks to MadPriest
Romero on the Poor
Those who have created the evil are those who have made possible the hideous social injustice our people live in. Thus, the poor have shown the church the true way to go. A church that does not join the poor in order to speak out from the side of the poor against the injustices committed against them is not the true church of Jesus Christ.
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